When a Cheap Person Wants to Exercise…

25 May

When I was a kid, I used to be fairly active. I would play outside all summer long. Gym, like many kids, was my favorite period of the day. I would spend my entire summer playing tennis multiple times a week for hours a day. Sometimes I found myself on softball teams. Summation: Good stuff.

Then…

I got older. Why does this happen? There was no one left to play tennis with and I couldn’t get enough people interested in playing a game of softball. I found myself sitting in front of the TV more and more. I was always studying for an exam. There were no more athletic activities for this old soul.

Years go by and I am still lazy. I am thankful for the genes that have allowed me to stay on the thinner side while I continue to stuff my face. To be fair I am not as thin or toned as I was in high school but I am no where near being overweight either. Go me?

Every once in awhile I get this crazy idea in my head that I want to exercise. Yeah! I want to be in shape. I want to get rid of these love handles. I want to tone up. Of course, then you remember that you’re too cheap to join a gym and want to partake in free exercise. Maybe I need some more inspiration or maybe I want to try to figure out what I should do because I currently do nothing. Maybe that’s why I am documenting everything for you guys.

For kicks, here are my attempts (and subsequent failures) for my exercise on-the-cheap:

Jogging

One day at an old job of mine I made an astute observation—everyone who was a “runner” was a type A personality. I am not so I should have known that I would have immediately failed at this venture. Every once in a while I decide that I am, once again, going to take up running. I get the sneakers on. I get the sweatpants or other related gear on. I put the headphones in my ears. I’m off! I have an absolutely gorgeous spot to run that is right next to the water. The views are spectacular. You would think this would be nothing but inspirational.

But then again, you don’t know me.

For whatever reason, I am the queen of side stitches. No matter what I do, no matter what I try to do beforehand, I end up with side stitches. Sometimes I try to jog through them. Other times the pain is so bad that I have to stop. In fact, the last time I jogged my side stitch was so bad I think I ended up tearing something behind my rib cage! (I know they can’t do anything for rib injuries but allow them to heal so I just found myself to be in pain for two weeks.) I also have a lot of trouble breathing whilst taking a jog, so much so I need to stop at times.

Thus I have failed at one of the cheapest forms of exercise—but I am sure it will make its triumphant return one day! I mean, triumphant attempt. Yeah.

Biking

I have to say I always liked being on a bike. I used to ride a bike when I was a kid. Bikes are fun.

Except I find that I have a general hatred for people on bikes.

People on bikes seem to think they can do whatever they want. Something in their way? Sure, just dart right in front of your car. They’re coming from behind? Get out of their way. There are some seriously angry people on bikes and as a result, there are some seriously angry people in cars (read: me) who find themselves behind these bikers.

Now I have had bad knees since I was about thirteen. I did ride a bike on occasion after the age of thirteen but not very often. One day a couple of years ago I got a bike from my grandma’s basement and brought it to my apartment. “I don’t want to jog. I want to ride the bike. Much easier!”

Words of infamy, my friends.

I started off well. I biked down to that same beautiful landscape that I can run on—it has a bike path as well. At first, all seems to be going well. And then I realize it’s happening—the knee pain. I think that I can bike through it. I keep going. I get to a point not too terribly far that I realize the knee pain is overwhelming.

I can only describe this pain as someone is violently stabbing me in the knees. Repeatedly.

You see, I have found that biking must bother my knees far more than anything else because they are essentially completely bent when I am biking. Something about this really hurts the old joints. I took a breather. I sat down for a few minutes. “I’m ready to bike back,” I thought. This thought process was so successful that I ended up walking my bike halfway home.

The Result of Failed Ventures

I don’t know about you, but I foresee myself attempting to jog or bike in the near future.

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